lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
