At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
