Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
