i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
