So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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