I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
