Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
