I accidentally had phone sex last night
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
