The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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