I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
