life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
