How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
