my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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