To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
