come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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