our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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