I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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