my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
