the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
