; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
