I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
