Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
