We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just fell off a train. Bad.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
A bitchslap is in order.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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