I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
