I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
