Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
