I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
