Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
