So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
