my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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