No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
