I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
