You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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