he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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