My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
