i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
