My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
