tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
