so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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