now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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