Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
