imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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