Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
