I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
