I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
