Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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