break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
