I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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