a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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