real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
