How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
