i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
