Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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