He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
