Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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